I Don’t Like Little Kids

By Dave MacKensie
From “Malone Alone” (2003)

Well, I don’t like little kids
Don’t like ’em now and I never did
Let ’em go play in the street and have fun
You know I didn’t even like ’em when I used to be one
Said I don’t like little kids

Some people’s kids, you can take ’em out in public
They’ll sit and be cool the whole while
And other people’s children get inflicted upon ya
While their parents just sit back and smile
They say: “Don’t you rub your carrots in that man’s hair
Stop pourin’ your milk in his shoe”
Yeah, you come on over here and sit on uncle Bob’s foot
We gonna talk about a thing or two

Now, I don’t like little kids
Don’t like ’em now and I never did
And over-population, hell, I ain’t to blame
They can all go back to where ever they came from
I don’t like little kids…

Now kids gotta go to school every day
They got to hang out with their parents every night
Now you’d think somewhere in-between them two
Somebody’d teach ’em how to act right
Children got a right to get left alone
And not to always get told what to do
But that don’t mean us grownups got to take no baloney
If nothin’ else, we’re bigger than you

And I don’t like little kids
Don’t like ’em now and I never did
Now they go alright with a nice white wine
Potatoes and gravy make ’em taste just fine
I don’t like little kids